It’s Off To The Races As Delray Beach Commission Candidates All Hit Qualification Deadline
The heat is on! Yes, it’s time for the Delray Beach silly season for the next four months. The city election is in March and Delray Beach Commission candidates have hit the qualification deadline.
Delray Beach is notoriously looney liberal. as we all know it’s kind of corrupt. Delray Beach is once again faced with a slate of some pretty awful candidates all around. Here’s a roundup of the qualified candidates currently vying for the 3 seats coming up in March.
Who Are The Delray Beach Commission Candidates?
Seat 5: Mayor
Seat 5 is own as the “Big Boy” chair. Why? Seat 5 is exclusively for the mayor.
‘Smexy’ Ryan Boylston, is a favorite to win. Boylston fancies himself a pretty boy. He likes posting pictures of his unimpressive abs and ‘welcome mat’ tattoo.
When he’s not busy having a go at being a wanker, he’s having sexual trysts with Jordana Jarjura. However, he actually sometimes does good things for Delray Beach.
Yet, for all his faults, Boylston has twice walloped Mitch Katz at the polls. For that alone, we can all be grateful!
Tom Carney? Who’s He?
Boylston’s opponent is Tom Carney. Who? Carney previously served on the city commission and did nothing at all that anyone can remember. So, yeah. Who?
Carney is a self-proclaimed Republican. He is Mayor Shelly Petrolia’s hand-picked successor to her empire of evil.
Carney is going around town telling everyone that he is leading a “Republican” ticket. He claims the ticket includes Juli Casale and some dude named Tom Markert. Both Casale and Markert are both registered Democrats. Carney obviously didn’t get the memo that this is a non-partisan election or has no idea how local elections work. That’s probably why when people hear his name, they say, “who?”
Rounding up the three candidates for mayor is Shirley Johnson. Johnson is another former commissioner who initially enjoyed the support of Shelly’s psycho squad. She even collected a contribution from Golden Showers Gayle Clark and others.
However, it seems that Shelly dumped Shirley for a more dependable shill. Besides, Johnson was always an unpredictable vote. She would sometimes side with Shelly and her dimwitted puppet Juli Casale. yet, at times she would go rogue. Johnson’s arch nemesis from her commission days is none other than Boylston. She may be running just to stick a thumb in his abs… er… eye.
Duking it out for Seat 1 you have Tennille Decoste, a serial candidate.
Decoste is highly involved with the Black Democratic Caucus and works in HR. She currently works for some shithole city in Broward County. She also previously worked for the City of Delray Beach. Unfortunately, like many city employees, she found herself in the crosshairs of Mayor Shelly Petrolia and her cronies.
Opposing Decoste is Jim Chard, a former commissioner who is best known for fucking Palm Beach County Tax Collector Anne Gannon.
Chard considers himself to have been influential in the fight to “save” Old School Square. However, we hear from other board members that they have been plotting to remove his uncooperative ass for some time now.
Chard is an advocate for electric cars and likes to circulate pictures of himself with other people’s black children. Talk about pandering!
At the last minute, Shelly Petrolia recruited some schmo to run against these 2 to represent her slate of candidates.
This nobody’s name is Tom Markert. He has no political experience whatsoever. He is also another, “who?”
Markert is a relative unknown in the community. Apparently he was a middle manager at Office Depot, which moved its headquarters OUT of Delray Beach. He now owns a chicken stand somewhere in Broward.
Seat 3: Commission
Seat 3 is now a 2 man race. Cruella Deville impersonator Christina Morrison dropped out a few weeks ago. Morrison, another serial candidate, was so desperate for this office that she officially ‘became’ a Democrat.
We believe that this making ceremony involves eating granola and burning Lilith Fair CDs for your friends.
First up is Nick Coppola. Coppola is a local LGBTQ activist with teeth as horrendous as his Long Island accent. He is semi-aligned with the Boylston/Long contingency.
Coppola was once a major supporter of Shelly and her minions. However, he parted ways with them when they refused to fund maintenance for his rainbow crosswalk. Coppola also loosely supported the group opposed to the destruction of Old School Square. Coppola openly supported openly bisexual Rob Long’s race for office against the very same person who will now be his opponent.
And, of course, our favorite: Juli Casale is back for another round!
Last March, Delray Beach voters sent Juli Casale a definitive message that they did not want to see her ever again.
Casale lost to Rob Long, a flamboyant bisexual who has now published a book about rodents in holes.
Juli’s fervent supporters, a motley crew borrowed from the Shelly Petrolia Psycho Squad, attempted to smear Long for months.
However, voters were less interested about Long’s dubious claims of being an engineer than they were about Casale’s ridiculous and obvious lie about having attended Harvard.
Casale also had several embarrassing meltdowns before and during the course of her re-election campaign.
The first being her March 2021 drunken meltdown at a commission meeting. Oh, and let’s not forget about an incident earlier this year when Delray Beach Police had to be called. Casale threatened an elderly resident at a senior apartment complex because the resident was supporting Rob Long.