Bisexual Commissioner Rob Long Probes Fictitious Dark Holes

August 3, 2023
4 min read

Delray Beach’s First Openly Bisexual Commissioner Rob Long Co-Authored Children’s Book Filled With Far-Left Spelunking And Propaganda

Bisexual Commissioner Rob Long

Commissioner Rob Long

Delray Beach’s first openly bisexual Commissioner Rob Long is now a published author! Long had been outed earlier this year as not actually being a Civil Engineer by his opponent’s psychotic supporters.

However, Long did manage to take a prideful victory lap in the March elections. Now Delray Beach’s first openly bisexual Commissioner can claim to be an author instead of pretending to be an engineer when he runs for re-election. This should silence his psychotic critics like Winebox Kelly Barrette.

Long publicly “dates” AOC-wannabe Alexandria Ayala. Ayala apparently identifies as a heterosexual cis-female. Ayala started her political climb by winning a seat on the Palm Beach County school board.

Ironically, Ayala has no children and no prospects to have children, as she is “dating” Long.

Rob Long’s Sex Life Was An Open Secret In Delray Beach

Bisexual Commissioner Rob Long

Commissioner Rob Long’s former neighbor Punxsutawney Phil

Long claims to hail from Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. The town is best know for its famous large rodent who comes out once a year.

If the groundhog sees its shadow, it shrieks and returns to its hole to zhuzh it up for a few more weeks.
Long’s sexuality has been in open secret in Delray Beach for years.

Long complained through back channels that Delray Beach Confidential outed him. Apparently, he didn’t like the tongue-in cheek article we posted about him being the first LGBT+ person to run for a city office.

Turns out he wasn’t the first, anyway, as Delray once had a gay mayor from a famous Florida football family…

Unbeknownst to us, Long was indeed dipping his pen into another man’s inkwell.

Bisexual Commissioner Rob Long Co-Authors Children’s Book With Gay Rights Advocate Filled With Leftist Propaganda 

Gay Activist Andrew Dolberg

Andrew Dolberg

Now, thanks to a successful Kickstarter campaign, Long will be a published author. His partner is none other than Andrew Dolberg.

Dolberg is a self-proclaimed, “Advocacy Advocate.”

He made waves with his 2018 Democrat primary flop for state representatives. The district covers the West Broward suburbs of Davie and Plantation. Dolberg only had a handful of supporters. One of which was Fort Lauderdale’s unpopular gay mayor Dean Trantalis.

He also campaigned with other not-so-subtle messaging that he was ‘gay-friendly.’ 

Dolberg tried to play it straight but it was obvious he was in-the-closet as Phil was in his hole. Meaning, he only came out when there was a big fancy soiree in his honor.

Rob Long: take a lesson from the thick wood badger in PA and just come out publicly already. Besides, the who’s who of Delray Beach already knows about your nocturnal aerobics. 

It’s never winter in Delray Beach and you’re not fooling anyone with that fraudulent beard. Not the one on your face, the one on the school board. So stroke that whistlepig openly with your partner Dolberg, already!

The Book

Now, Long and Dolberg are publicly partnered. The book uses a coal mining marmot to promote dubious climate junk science while buried in a shaft of some sort.

The little weenus also preaches some vaguely anti-Trump babble about overlords (Republicans) and liberal, “Guardians.”

What a fabulous story to cuddle up and bed to read to each other, boys!

Speaking of Junk…

The newly elected Commissioner recently reappointed local incel Max Zengage to his post on the Public Arts Advisory Board.

Zengage also likes to proclaim himself the youngest ‘Official’ in Delray history. However, he’s not nearly that important. This is a meaningless unpaid position for people want to feel important and sit in meetings. Meetings that discuss the horrible art that litters up Delray Beach’s sidewalks.  Kind of like that Warhol-looking thing that Gayle Clarke urinated on thinking it was a fire hydrant. 

Delray Beach has lots of those stupid boards for people with nothing else to do to sit on. Zengage also led the Delray Concours D’Elegance, an event where people parked their beat up old hoopties on the lawn at Old School Square.

Read More About Bisexual Commissioner Rob Long On Delray Beach Confidential:

Rob Long Jumps In the Ring Against Crazy Cat Lady Casale

Dreamy Rob Long Would Be A Dream Come True As Delray Beach Commissioner


Delray Beach Commission Candidates All Hit Qualification Deadline

[…] lost to Rob Long, a flamboyant bisexual who has now published a book about rodents in […]

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